Choosing In Vitro

Well, right now, assuming things do not change, we are going to proceed forward towards in vitro. Many people seem less than thrilled at the prospect as they have seen me through many physical health trials, but this is the path that gives me peace.

It's funny because part of me feels like, we should be taking care of the children that are already here, not bringing new ones into this earth, but as foster care has not gone as planned, I am beginning to feel ready to move forward. As many of you know, infant adoption has been thoroughly researched, so it seems as if that would be the logical path, but I feel apprehension towards infant adoption for some indescribable reason. Although one of the main reasons is because they want us to close our foster care license before we proceed, and to be honest I just don't feel like a peace in doing that.

Also, in vitro has always been Kevin's first option. He has bent his desires so they molded into mine, so maybe it's time for me to bend. There are so many factors going into this decision that I would write for days to describe all my reasons. Although if you want to know the number one reason for our choice: peace. It's what brought us peace... or rather me peace.

I'm thinking we'll start November/December-ish.

We are sharing this because we want prayer. That being said, I'd prefer not to talk about our decision in person, unless I bring it up. This surrounds a lot of anxiety, feelings of loss, past hurts that if you begin to ask questions, you might notice me getting visibly unsettled. That being said, feel free to ask questions on here. I will share what I want but may choose to not share things that are not yet determined. To be honest, so little is known at this point. We're seeking a new doctor and we'll see where it leads us.