My Adopted Daughter's Feelings Towards In Vitro

I have handled this very delicately with her. She is a sweet gentle girl, who is confident and strong, yet even her young mind falters when she thinks mommy and daddy are thinking about having children naturally when she is not naturally ours.

So from the moment we began considering doing in vitro, we asked her how she'd feel about it. Her first response was, "but I want my sister or brother to have a first life and a second life just like I had."

We of course worked through this, and later asked her again. This time, she admitted her true fears are that we will love a natural child more than her. We both have continued to assure her.

Then I asked her: Do you love me?
Little Miss: Yes.
Me: So we are going to try to meet your first mom soon, right?
Little Miss: Yeah.
Me: Now, I'm only going to ask you this, because I already know the answer.
Little Miss: Okay.
Me: When you meet your first mom, do you think you will love her more than me?
Little Miss's face lit up in a huge smile and she said: Of course not.
Me: Biology doesn't mean much does it. It's not what makes up a family. Love does.

For now, this has helped, but I am well aware this will be a constant thing we will have to work through. Right now, I will be happy that she got excited when she thought I was going to tell her we were pregnant.

We have decided to make sure our Little Miss knows that if we are blessed to become pregnant through in vitro, that this child is as much a part of her as it is a part of us. I plan to take her to ultrasound appointments when appropriate, even if that means taking a day off school, so she can be as big a part of this as possible.

I have also let her know, this was not our first choice, but our first choice is not bearing fruit, and therefore, we are going to try to build our family this way, before we are too old.

I think prayer and encouragement will be extremely important on this road... and that's assuming, this process will end in a child.