I Got to Keep My Head Held High:

One of my favorite songs is actually sang by Miley Cyrus. It was one of her early songs, "The Climb." It really resonates with me. "The Climb" was the song that branched away from Hannah Montana, but was not yet the Miley Cyrus we all know today.

It voices everything I feel. From the first words to the last, it tells my story.

 I can almost see it. That dream I'm dreaming, but There's a voice inside my head saying, You'll never reach it."

I've always dreamed of a large family, but at some point you need to face the fact that your family might only consist of three people and that is okay. I start wondering if all of our efforts, all of our hopes, all of our disappointments, are for naught.


The song proceeds to,

Every step I'm takin', Every move I make, Feels lost with no direction, My faith is shakin'."

The truth is I keep having faith, but it has been shaken. Each time it's shaken though, I feel like it grows stronger, but there are moments where my faith is utterly shaken to its core. But as the song says,

"But I, I gotta keep tryin', Gotta keep my head held high..

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

That last part about, "It's the climb..." is what resonates with me the most, because as hard as this battle has been, the climb has been wonderful.

Yes, through all the heartache, shed tears, frustrations, irritations, shaken faith, we've been blessed. I've learned so much through our ventures with foster care, about my daughter, about my husband, about myself. I've met some amazing people, I have built hopefully life long relationships with one of the children and her mother. I've discovered my purpose in life. For everyday I have felt joy as a result of foster care, I have experienced less than an hour of that sorrow, but when you are feeling discouraged it is the sorrow you remember, not all the tremendously wonderful things.

Even my infertility has been a blessing. We met my favorite doctor in the world, who no longer practices. He cured me of my chronic pain I felt from 2001 to 2009. For eight years I experienced chronic pain, sometimes debilitating pain, and it wasn't until I went to get treated for my inferitily that they finally discovered what the problem was.

It was ultimately his cure that has made me forever infertile, but I'm not resentful for that. It could have been avoided, but since he was the fourth doctor to try to figure things out, I don't think it was a lack of knowledge or foresight. He did the best he could, and that I will be forever greatful.

The struggles I'm facing; The chances I'm taking; Sometimes might knock me down, but; No I'm not breaking

The thing is, each time I get knocked down, just as the song says, I don't break. I prove to myself that I am stronger than I appear. I will probably never be able to lift my weight, but I can carry a heavy load with a smile and hearty laugh. I will fall down in tears, but I am still able to impact this world for the better. I just need to keep moving, keep climbing, keep my faith, and enjoy the good times, and call my mommy during the bad.

I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin',
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, 'cause...

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep the faith baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa, whoa, oh.

Oh the irony, a person whose choices I do not respect, is the same person who sings the song that is meaning the most to me now. I need to remind myself that everytime I fall down, I'm only down for a few moments compared to the many wonderful times I am up in this journey. Today is hard, but tomorrow might just be amazing. Why is it so hard to remember that on those bad days?

I gotta keep my head held high!