How To Pay for IVF?

Paying for IVF is just one of my many fears surrounding doing in vitro. Although it is not my biggest fear, it is probably the one that's on my mind the most lately.

I think the most fearful thing is that I know there is a possibility we will spend all 16,000 dollars with nothing to show for it. It's a risk I am afraid to take. I know it's just money, and if it works then it will be money well spent, but if it does not... I am going to have to be okay with it. I won't have any other option, except to be okay with it.

Recently I found out you can get scholarships for IVF. This really excited me until I read the requirements. A year ago and every year before, we would have qualified, but of course the year I finally realized about it, we no longer qualify.

Previously Kevin and I saved up for in vitro, but when our doctor retired early, we decided to place that money towards a student loan, which paid it off, so that's great, but that means once we realized we were going to still proceed with in vitro, we had nothing saved.

In September, we decided to start saving for in vitro again. At that time, my car died and I had to buy a new vehicle. This meant that the money we were going to be saving for in vitro would be spent on a new vehicle.

Then it occurred to us with winter coming, we would be better off to get a pellet stove then pay for the gas to heat our house again, especially after we did a year assessment on how much was spent last year. This has proved to be a wise decision due to the extremely cold weather this year, but that also meant that all the money that came in that month went directly towards our new purchase. Therefore, we still had nothing saved.

Oh yes, then December came, not only did we have Christmas to pay for, but also the winter insurance on our house, vehicle insurance for the next six months, and on top of that I smashed my husbands paid off jeep into a fence when I lost control on ice. So yet again, no savings.

So how much do we have saved for it after three months of saving: $0.00

Yes, not even a single cent.

Theoretically I know where the money is going to come from, and it will be here before May. But I don't know what is going to happen between now and May? What unexpected expenses will come up?

I am trusting that we will earn the money before May comes along, but as everytime we hear the money is coming in, something happens and the money goes out before we have a chance to see it in our account; I'm scared. What if the money doesn't come? I guess, I must assume that God is closing the door to that, at least for our May start date. I have to trust that if God wants us to take this route, he will provide the money.

I sometimes think that is why not having a foster care placement has bothered me so much. I feel like none of our efforts are going anywhere.

Today, I will breath in and breath out. I will try to focus my life on something else. Maybe my writing or reorganizing my house. I need something to keep me distracted. I know worrying is my weakness. I worry. So breathe, pray, be active, pray, distract and pray. We should be okay.